You Need to be Taught how to Focus

A pattern I keep noticing: Parents tell me their kid is struggling with focus. So I ask, what have you been doing to support them through that? And almost every time, the answer is some version of: I keep saying "focus, you gotta focus" while they're doing homework.

My response is always the same. Have you ever taught them how to focus, instead of just telling them to do it? That's usually when the light bulb goes off. Then I ask the parent the same question about themselves:

Has anyone ever taught YOU how to focus? Same reaction. No.

Here's what I actually teach, and it takes as little as 30 seconds a day. People always get a little apprehensive when I say that, like the short time frame is somehow the catch.

Put your finger where your nose meets your upper lip. Focus on the sensation. After a few seconds, pull your finger away and keep focusing on that same spot. Sit up straight, body symmetrical, feet on the ground. Then breathe in and out through your nose, and shift your focus to the sensation of the air instead of your finger.

Your mind is going to wander. That's not a failure, that's the whole point. The skill isn't turning your mind off. It's catching the moment it drifts and bringing it back. Do that enough times, and you start catching the drift faster, more often, and for longer stretches.

That skill transfers directly. When a kid's mind drifts off task in class, or during homework, they're able to catch it and come back. That's the actual mechanism. Practice it consistently and the mind gets stronger, the same way a muscle does.

People talk about diet constantly, but only in terms of food. What about what you're feeding your mind? TikTok, fight videos, reality TV, in small quick doses, day after day. That's junk food for your attention. No wonder sitting down to focus on one thing feels so hard. You've trained your mind to expect a hit every few seconds.

It's not easy. But what's the alternative? Brain rot. Slop. Endless Reels?

-SL